Newsletter of 3-D Success

Spring  2006

You Don't Need Strength

Because Strength Is Not What It Takes

I am strong, I can take the needed steps. 

I have before. I have what it takes—

If I allow no one to distort my steps.

If only take steps that belong to me.

You don't need strength because strength is not what it takes. It takes certain personal qualities, all of which you undoubtedly already have even if you aren't sure how to use them, or feel if you do use them it is cheating or other's will object.

One thing that makes a big difference is how you perceive yourself. That has a lot to do with how others perceive you. And a lot of what it takes to project personal power is attitude: your attitude towards yourself and towards your inner world. Because, if that isn't in fine shape, you won't really like anything or anyone. 

So what I'm saying is: it starts with you and how you feel about yourself and how much you value yourself. It's up to you to see yourself first as you want others to see you, up to you to set your limits, and up to you to uphold them so you don't feel you've betrayed yourself. How you do this is through communication--verbal and non-verbal. Communicate what you want to be seen as to others, communicate your worth, communicate directly what you expect of them (They aren't obligated to uphold your expectations, however.).

You must believe what you are and what you are doing is worthwhile to feel good about yourself. For most people to feel like they are doing something worthwhile, they need to see a result in a reasonable (variable for each person) length of time.

Your perception of an issue or person defines that issue or person for you, whatever the "facts" may be. The more aware of your prejudices and quirks you are the less likely you are to misread a person or issue. (Commercial break for self-awareness!)

S/he who knows not him/herself 

knows nothing.

Time Termites

One of the things it takes to get done what is important to you is setting limits: inner ones and outer ones, for yourself and for others. You can't get much done with "time termites" eating away at your moments with inconsequential or things that don't really concern you. 

One way to control your personal time is to set priorities. Once you set your priorities, first of all you have to respect them, then others will; because you will communicate to them, on an inner and outer level, that they are there and not subject to someone else's whim. 

Your personal deadline is your lifeline

Now, you will have priorities in all areas of your life, and there are times and places where and when their order will fluctuate. Don't forget to be flexible when the time calls for it! The hard part of that, often, is knowing when the time calls for it and when it is just giving in to someone else's time termiting.

I don't have to be moved by 

someone else's priorities/ program.

Reusable Time

The type of priorities you need depends upon what you are setting as your goal and how important it is to you and your life. 

There are three main categories of  priorities: creation, production, and maintenance. (For an artist, generating ideas is often a priority over production.)  Priorities can be set, also, by levels of involvement, and their stress-causing potential. 

Additionally, there are also several types of time available to accomplish these priorities: linear time, reusable (This is one my dreams told me about. 
I'm still not exactly sure how it works, but it sounds great to me!), event-oriented time, circular, monitored (meaning someone is watching or monitoring your time so it feels longer and you are placed under unnecessary pressure), associative, sequential, and internal. (There may be others.) Internal is the type of time that flies while you are having fun. Associative is emotional-based, going from a like event, feeling... to like. In depth, or 3-d prioritizing is a natural for one of the "happy" brainstorming, clustering or more formal outline or spreadsheet program.

Any of those options work. Their success to you depends on how your think best. Brainstorming and clustering works for the creatives who think in groups and all over the mind map. Outlining and spreadsheeting works for those who like order and neatness. In either, there are ways to schedule on a basis of: linear-value and linear-time—meaning you list what you have to accomplish/ what you want to do from importance to unimportance or can't-do-yets.

You might think that linear, outline scheduling is the intelligent way to go, but not necessarily. Especially if doesn't work for you. But there are other ways for linear outlining to go wrong. 

Linear priority setting is categorized by the 1st things 1st attitude. One way of prioritizing by linear time is: the oldest thing first, the newest thing last. (Need I say this could get you in lots of trouble if it's all you did?!) Artists often prioritize this way, by generating priorities: the newest idea 1st. 

You also schedule by the level of stress involved in accomplishing the task. Emotional prioritizing is done this way: by the easiest thing first, or in the case of macho-do-or-diers and the let's-get-it-over-withs: the hardest thing first. Then there is the (sad case of): everybody's else's stuff first. 

Other things to consider, of course, is where the thing scheduled is on your life-priority list: your list of lifetime goals—or your "things-you-must-do-today" list. The latter includes those stressful basic maintenance priorities you just can't miss, as well as the non-stressful ones, you wouldn't want to miss . . . such as dinner for the next week (Of course, that's what I was thinking all along!). 

Lastly, consider what type of time you will be using: stressed-out time, lounging time, hurry-up time, I-hate-this time, this-is-a-cinch time, I-can-handle-this! time. All of which mean the psychological time frame you are in when scheduling and working makes a huge difference is how much you get done, how smoothly the work goes, and how well you feel as you are working and after you are done. Which brings me to . . .

While you are busy stacking your life pieces up in neat little boxes in neat little rows, don't forget those "No-agenda days". These are the one where you get time out from everything, you are responsible for nothing and no one, you can do as you please until you feel entirely refreshed (no fudging!).

Progress is not created 

by contented people.

(Tyger)

It is more important to know 

where you are  going

than to get there quickly.

(Newcomer)

Always eat the best grapes first—

then you'll always be eating the best grapes.

(Morley)

     Many people are troubled by the lack of motivation and one example of this is not being able to get up in the morning. If we study these people, we can find out how tot to wake up, which can be of use to insomniacs. Everything that people can do is useful to someone, somewhere, sometime.

(Richard Bandler)

(I don't necessarily buy into the unmotivated part of what Bandler says,

 some of us are night owls. [Editor's note]

     Sitting with all the days of your life before you—all the time you have to spend on everything—and allotting what will receive what portion of your time can be confusing, painful, exciting, fearful—and a dozen other things all at once.

(Life 101/ Peter & Roger)

     ("BOUNDARIES" is one of the Tiger's "Expect Magic Life Cards", especially designed to perk spirits up, remind us of boundaries, to keep on keeping on, to protect ourselves, and to reach for the stars. If your spirits need perking, and you want to see more Life Cards, click on the Boundary card.)

• You may also want to peruse the "Expect Magic 'postcard' Newletter  (March is linked here)

• If you are a Creative, you may want to check out the Creator's Corner (so far only Word Wizard's Wander is up)

• Page 2 of this newsletter is a start-off feed back page where you can comment, or say hello. Go to page 2 

• Star To Stand On Issue 2

• Writings Index

Boundaries—you can set them.

 To set priorities and goals and reach them, you also need to be able to set boundaries and keep them.

Some people are good at setting boundaries, they can skip this. Some people feel okay setting only one or two types of boundaries. Some have trouble with any boundaries. Read on . . .

There are four basic types of boundaries: spiritual, mental, emotional, and  physical. There is one important thing I need to say here for those people who don't know: Yes, you are allowed to have boundaries. Setting personal boundaries is one of your human rights. No one has the right to step over your boundaries unless you consent. They may do it anyway, but they have no right.

Now on to the types of boundaries: 

Your boundary spheres. For most people, not meditating at the moment, the extent of your spiritual boundary will be: if you stretch your arms out horizontally: from fingertip to fingertip in a sphere all the way around you. (The same size as your spiritual aura.) Your mental boundary will be about eighteen inches from your body. Your emotional boundaries are about 12 inches from your body. Your physical boundary depends a lot upon how tired you are. It can be as little as 1-2", and more often 6" or so.

 When someone invades your physical aura/boundary—you might call it your personal space—likely you get uncomfortable, unless it is someone you like (The liking is tested out first by the touching of two people's spiritual auras.) Those are your boundaries measured in physical space. They are also measured in mental, emotional and spiritual space.

We have a right to determine how 

and when other people enter our space.

When any of your boundaries are violated, you will feel uneasy and threatened, even though you may think you shouldn't. If your boundaries are the: step over this line...okay, well, this line... this line... then you may feel/have felt yourself closing down as you allow them to be violated. Such diffuse boundaries are generally ones held with fear-—and the sure feeling that if you really stand up for them, someone bigger and stronger will come along and smash them. Instead of risking this, many people narrow their vision-focus so they "can't" see that someone 
is standing on your toes, or "space out" so "don't know" they are being taken advantage of. 

Becoming not aware does not make boundaries. Going into yourself narrows your boundaries, giving the violator unspoken permission to pursue. Instead, give yourself room to grow breathe, move, and be, insist your boundaries be respected. And to hold your boundaries— you can lie. I know, radical. But, it's needed until you are brave enough to uphold them without lying.

Unless you know what your boundaries are, you are not going to be able to enforce them appropriately. So, first, you need to Define them. I know it sounds elemental, but there are some people that still aren't sure they are allowed to have boundaries at all. And many more who aren't sure what those boundaries reasonably should be. Part of setting boundaries is setting limits of access to your: attention, time, living space, emotional space, physical spaces, spiritual space, and mental space.

To not give someone what they want is okay. Having done extensive work on and reading on boundary issues myself, here is are four lists of some boundaries that are reasonable, one for each energy level:

Physical

Some people get in your face and don't see that as invading boundaries. Some boundaries are set by the culture you are in. Being at the edge of someone's physical boundary means within touching distance. If you don't want someone touching you, you will need to set your phsycial boundary past their reach.

• You have a right to your own inviolate physical, personal space.

• You have the right not to be physically abused, not to be touched if you don't want to be, and to look however you pleases to. 

Things to say to yourself or others:

• "My needs are first, my whims are second; yours may not even come into play." (You may be kinder, if it works.)

• "Your needs are outside of my needs"

• "No; this is mine."

Emotional:

You have a right to feel exactly how you are feeling for as long as you need to let the feeling flow naturally. (Letting feelings flow is an instinctive way of healing ourselves that is generally bred out of us in childhood by "well-meaning" people who want us to appear happy—whether we are or not so they won't feel bad. 

 Which brings me to: You are not responsible for how anyone else feels. They feel how they choose to. (This doesn't mean you aren't responsible if you are deliberately cruel, however even what you may deem cruelty may be appropriate if you need to enforce your boundaries.) 

You are not responsible for the quality of other people's lives.

• You have the right to define what you are feeling

• You have the right to take an emotional vacation

• You have the right not to play by other's emotional rules

Things to say to yourself or others:

• "My feelings have to come first."

• "Even if I don't know how I feel, I know how I feel better than you know how I  feel."

Mental:

Mental boundaries include beliefs, thoughts, ideas, especially creative ideas, choices of reading material and, especially all your choices. 

• You have the right to private mental space.

• You have the right to speak your truth as you see it.

Things to say to yourself and others:

• "I have the right to tell the truth and I'm not responsible if other people can't deal with it." (No license for meanness here implied.)

• "I am responsible for the words I say, not for the words the other person hears."

• "I have a right to my own beliefs."

• I have a right to be as creative as I want to
  
  Spiritual:

You have the right to your own version of any higher power, including a version that holds to none at all, and your own version of any non-physical system—or hold there is none at all. You may hold onto your version of reality over anyone else's version of your reality—but you don't have to if it isn't working for you.

• You have a right to seek your inner self in the manner that is most appropriate to you.

• You have the right to be validated for being exactly who you are.

• Your boundary of worth is important.

Things to say to yourself and others:

• "No, I will not be untrue to myself for you."

• "No, I am not going to buy your version of God."

• "That may not be true for you, but it is true for me."

An additional note: 

You hand over your power when you argue, 

explain, or try to get someone 

to change their mind.

For people that still aren't sure if their boundaries are appropriate to the situation, ask someone. Even if they don't or can't set their own boundaries, they will usually know what's reasonable for others. Then, when/ if someone violates your boundary, say to yourself--or if you're brave to them, "This is 
an emotional (or whatever type) violation," confirming that you allow yourself to have boundaries and enforce them.

You are not in this world to uphold the illusions, beliefs, objectives, or dreams of others.

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